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It could be said that becoming a parent seems like the natural “next step” in life; especially for women in their mid-thirties or early forties. It could also be said that, the majority of women who wish to become mothers expect this to happen relatively easily and naturally. The realisation that becoming a parent may not be as easy as expected, or may not happen in the way that you always presumed, can bring on some very painful emotions.

 

Struggling to conceive quite often, understandably, brings on an absolute roller coaster of emotions.  It may be that you have been told that due to physical health issues (such as endometriosis, damaged fallopian tubes or lack of regular ovulation), you will have trouble conceiving naturally. Alternatively, you may have been told that your partner has poor quality semen. Hearing this is likely to bring on a sense of shock and disbelief. Once the shock has subsided, it may be that you experience profound sadness and disappointment, which may lead to outbursts of anger. These immense emotions can have a significant impact on not only your romantic relationship, but also your relationships with friends and family. This may lead you to isolate yourself from others (in particularly, pregnant friends or those with children), resulting in loneliness and a feeling of detachment from others.   

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It may also be the case that you are a single woman, wishing to become a parent and, due to mother nature’s time constraints, have chosen to go ahead with this now, with the help of sperm donation. Going through the fertility journey alone can also be an immensely painful process. There is likely to be many mixed emotions around the fact that you did not meet a partner with whom you could start a family with within the expected time frame and it is likely that you may be experiencing disappointment that life has not (as yet) turned out as you expected.

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It is possible that you are at the beginning of the fertility process (for example, you are starting the first round of IVF, or you are considering sperm donation) and experiencing a range of emotions such as loneliness and fear (what if it doesn’t work?) as well as hope (if this works, I will finally be a mother!). Alternatively, it could be that you are at the later stages of treatment and have been trying to conceive for a while, which may have left you feeling emotionally and physically exhausted and possibly lost and feeling alone. At this stage, women often start to contemplate their life without a child, which can be an incredibly daunting process.

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Regardless of the stage of your fertility journey, I am here to help you process and navigate any feelings and emotions you are experiencing, as well as possibly helping you to make sense and gain clarity around what you want for your future/ the future path you wish to take.

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My opinions on the topic of fertility have featured in The Metro. Please take a look here 

 

Additional training/CPD related to fertility 

BICA (British Infertility Counselling Association) Advanced Course in Infertility Counselling

BICA (British Infertility Counselling Association) Foundation Course for Infertility Counselling

COSRT (College of Sex and Relationship Therapy) Focus on Female Infertility

Dr Karen E. Wells Professional Holistic Fertility Counselling 

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Useful Resources

The lost tribe of childless women | Jody Day | TEDxHull - YouTube

Jody Day - Pan Macmillan

Childless Voices by Lorna Gibb review – unflinching on loss, longing and choice | Society books | The Guardian

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